


Flowers For A Ghost

by tyrantsandcreampuffs



Category: Gundam SEED
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-04-03 02:20:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4082959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrantsandcreampuffs/pseuds/tyrantsandcreampuffs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She does not know which is worse: dying or watching him fall in love with someone else. But as she is dead to the rest of the world, she realizes with the slightest hint of bitterness that she doesn't really have a say in the matter…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Five Years Ago

**Author's Note:**

> This is not a ghost story! It may be a bit fantastical, but there are no literal ghosts here -- I swear.

_— Five Years Ago_

* * *

"I can't help it," she whispers to the small screen on the wall of her room. There is a rush in her veins, an exhilaration which she cannot put a name on. "I've missed you so much."

He laughs—and, oh, how she  _loves_  hearing his voice, seeing him happy.

"I've missed you, too."

"Well, I missed you more."

"Cagalli." The dark blue of his eyebrows furrow slightly and she finds it so endearing how unaware he is of how silly he looks when he is not serious. "This isn't a competition."

"Athrun," she replies, glancing briefly at her door. If Kisaka hears her talking and discovers that she isn't resting like she's supposed to, he would surely find a way to punish her—that is, if one could truly hold power over the most powerful woman on Earth. "I really missed you, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah. I know."

She looks at the background of his screen— _bright_ , is the only word she can think of to describe it. It is currently daytime in the PLANTs while it is almost midnight in her small archipelagic nation. The difference between day and night is as blatant as the thousands of miles which separate them.

"I'll see you in a day, then?" She adds eagerly. "I'll arrive in Aprilius Three at around—"

"I know all of your flight details," he cuts in smoothly as he smiles back at her. "Call me before your flight. Make sure you rest well; the gods know how much you need it."

She rolls her eyes. "The other representatives approved of my leave because they didn't want to face the wrath of their Chief Representative by keeping her away from her fiancé."

"Go to sleep, Cagalli," he ordered playfully. "If I was there, I'd force you to get into your bed."

"If you were here, you'd keep me up," she answered back with a suggestive twiddle of her eyebrows.

Now it is his turn to roll his eyes.

"Really, Cagalli—"

"Yes, yes; I'll go to sleep now." She laughs and looks to the bottom of the screen. The clock reads seven minutes past midnight. How is it so that time passes by quickly when it is just the two of them with no distractions from the world? "It's just that—it's been so long. I really can't wait to see you again."

Her fingers unconsciously drift to the ring on her other hand. Gently, she brushes the pads of her fingertips over the familiar crafted metal. They linger for a second longer over the small ruby and stay there until he speaks again.

"I love you."

She smiles and moves to reach for the button to turn off the screen.

"I love you, too."

* * *

Like Father, Like Daughter: Queen of Orb Perishes In Flames

_Olofat, Orb Union_  – Outside the Athha estate, the citizens of the United Emirates of Orb are holding a candle and prayer vigil for their late Chief Representative, Queen Cagalli Yula Athha, who perished in what technical experts have called a 'freak accident' wherein her private shuttle headed to the PLANTs exploded somewhere in the mesospheric layer.

Investigations are still ongoing; however, due to the conditions in the mesosphere, there has been little to no progress. Parts of the shuttle are currently being recovered in the Pacific Ocean.

"The answer to this puzzle is in the black box," explains Erica Simmons, a senior engineer of Morgenroete Incorporated. Engineer Simmons is part of the team leading the investigation. She was also a friend of the late Queen, having been part of the crew of the Archangel during the wars. "Once we locate the black box or the flight data recorder, we can learn how the Queen's aircraft could have exploded."

As the daughter of former Orb Chief Representative Uzumi Nara Athha, Queen Cagalli Yula Athha, at the ripe age of sixteen, was the youngest representative to hold the highest seat of power in Orb, informally seizing control of the military during the Bloody Valentine War and being elected into position afterwards. In the Second Bloody Valentine War, she was briefly engaged to the late Orb Supreme Commander Yuuna Roma Seiran, who was a known affiliate of the terrorist group Blue Cosmos. After being kidnapped from her wedding, Queen Athha assisted in the efforts of the advanced warship Archangel to foil the plots of Gilbert Dullindal, who was PLANT Supreme Council Chairman at the time.

Queen Athha was twenty years old at the time of her death and was reportedly headed to Aprilius Three to meet with her fiancé, Athrun Zala, the son of radical former PLANT Supreme Council Chairman Patrick Zala. Athrun Zala, aside from being a PLANT Councilman, is well known for his participation in both the First and the Second Bloody Valentine War, in which he was awarded Order of the Nebula and was appointed to the special unit Fast Acting Integrate Tactical Headquarters (FAITH) for his services in ZAFT. Queen Athha is succeeded by her biological twin brother, ZAFT Commander Kira Yamato, husband to the incumbent PLANT Supreme Council Chairwoman Lacus Clyne-Yamato.

The Orb parliament has put the nation under a state of grievance and has officially declared the next week as a long non-working holiday. The House of Representatives are set to vote on who will take over the position of Chief Representative in three days' time. Until then, Haumea Temple is open for those who wish to light a candle or incense to offer for the late Queen's soul.

 


	2. If You Say So

_I can't get away from the burning pain, I lie awake,_   
_and the fallen hero haunts my thoughts._   
_How could you leave me this way?_

If You Say So, Lea Michele

* * *

_— Present Time_

* * *

"I can't believe that it's been five years," his best friend tells him something he already knows."She'd always put the happiness of others before her own. Especially yours."

They lay down the bouquet of flowers they brought on top of her grave—her  _empty_  grave, and his heart clenches at her memory. How he misses her terribly. Every second he spends awake—no, every second he spends  _alive_  is torturous without her presence. However, even in his desperation and heartbreak, he will not give in. After all, it was she who told him that to live was to fight. And he would continue to fight for her—he promised to himself so on the day they added her name next to her father's at the memorial site in Orb.

"I am happy," he answers back. "I miss her, but I am happy."

Kira tilts his head slightly, watching; waiting for a sign from his best friend to say that he is not being dishonest; but he sees nothing, only the passive face Athrun has worn ever since Cagalli Yula Athha, the love of his life, died.

"If you say so," Kira shrugs, shaking his head. What is he expecting: for his best friend to break down and say that he will never move on? "Surely the anniversary of her death wasn't the only reason you asked me to meet you here at three in the morning. The sun's yet to rise."

Athrun takes out an envelope from the deep pocket of his coat. He breathes in and out, anxious.

"Here."

Kira carefully raises the flap and takes out the letter inside the cream packet. He scans through the embossed words and has to reread it because even the Ultimate Coordinator could not comprehend the simple details written on the ivory textured paper.

"I'm happy for you," the brunet says after a while. "Meyrin is a lovely girl."

"She is, isn't she?" Athrun smiles back. Meyrin has been kind to him; patient and understanding—she was what he needed all those years ago and perhaps could be what he needs in the years to come.

But...there is an afterthought. Without having to look at his best friend, he can tell what Kira is thinking:

 _She isn't Cagalli_.

And it is all well, Athrun reasons to himself, because loving a dead girl and holding onto the past isn't going to do anyone any good.

* * *

 _Councilman Athrun Zala  
_ and  
 _Lady Meyrin Hawke_

request the honor of your presence  
in a celebration of happiness  
as they exchange wedding vows

Saturday, the seventh of June  
in the year eighty  
at six o'clock in the evening  
Bellevue Cathedral  
Oceana Union

* * *

Scientists have studied and broken down the foundations of what makes a human  _human_. They have cracked the code behind their being and manipulated their genes, created coordinators: humans who were built to last. And yet. The world of dreams remain untapped, a great enigma to even the greatest of minds.

This is how it happens: once she is in a deep slumber, her eyes open—except, they do not see the ceiling of her quaint room. Instead, she looks up and finds jade eyes, hauntingly beautiful eyes, lonely eyes; and she is forced to watch those eyes as he moves on without her.

In her dreams, she knows her name is Cagalli Yula Athha, the former Chief Representative of the United Emirates of Orb, the Queen who supposedly died in an explosion in the sky, the girl on the island who fell in love with the boy who made all the wrong choices.

When she is awake, her name is Allie Nara, the poor orphan girl found by fishermen along the shore beside a small village on a remote island in the Pacific Ocean; a small isle with a population of five-hundred, whose people wanted no part in the chaos of the worlds. With no recollection of her memories, the people from the village took her in and cared for her, giving her a family of her own.

Cagalli sees him— _Athrun_ —with Kira, her endearingly protective brother; and watches them interact with each other within a sphere of somberness.

_I can't believe it's been five years._

Cagalli keeps her gaze steady on Athrun's face. Had it really been five years? She wonders to herself. Had it been five years of watching him while her body rested elsewhere, waking up to not knowing anything of who she was, and becoming frustrated in her next dream because she fails to recount her memories?

She walks to stand beside her brother. Over his tall shoulder, she peeks and reads the words in his hands. When she is finished, her world comes undone before her—which should not have happened because she should have seen this coming after countless dreams in which she watched him fall in love with someone else; watched as  _she_  smiled at him and took him into  _her_  arms, watched as he kissed  _her_  and took _her_  hand. _  
_

_Meyrin is a lovely girl._

And indeed, the red-haired lady had made an impression when they first met. Immediately, she saw how devoted the ZAFT officer was to the blue-haired elite pilot. If there is anyone else in the world Cagalli trusted to take care of Athrun, it is  _her—_

Abruptly, she is pulled out of her dream and her body is no longer in Orb, but once again on the island.

"Allie," the man in front of her—his name is Teon—calls her by the name she recognizes. "You were crying. Still are."

"Am I now?" She brings her hand up and wipes away the tears on the rim of her eyes. "Perhaps I was dreaming."

"Do you think you could have been dreaming about your past?"

She remembers nothing but green eyes. Her hands unconsciously reach for the ring on a chain around her neck and the gesture does not go unnoticed to Teon.

"No," she says, shaking her head and stifling a yawn. And then, she adds jokingly, "Perhaps I was dreaming about the future."


	3. She Is The Sunlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lacus's quote about blessings in disguises is from Anthon St. Maarten.

_If all the flowers faded away and if all_   
_the storm clouds decided to stay, then you_   
_would find me, each hour, the same._   
_She is tomorrow and I am today._

She Is The Sunlight, Trading Yesterday

* * *

_— Present Time_

* * *

"Oh, Athrun." Lacus smiles at him. "I am genuinely happy for you."

"As opposed to faking the sentiment?"

"You know what I mean."

The blue-haired man returns his old friend's beam and his eyes trail down to the bump over where her flat stomach used to be. Pregnancy gives Lacus the ethereal glow fit for the  _Princess of Peace_  and he finally decides that he is even happier for his friend.

Athrun raises his own mug and lets the hot and bitter coffee wash down his throat. After he replaces the mug on the table, she looks at him quizzically.

"You are aware that this is your fifth engagement, are you not?"

His brows furrow. What does she mean to imply? _  
_

"Me, Cagalli, Meer, Cagalli again and now—" Lacus takes a sip from her cup of earl grey tea and straightens her back. "I suppose it is technically your fourth. If you don't count your engagement to Meer as a real and proper engagement, then it is your third."

"Both Meer and Cagalli are dead," he murmurs, shaking his head. Meer and Cagalli...they were both wonderful in their own ways. They had only wanted to help the helpless world. Meer died practically nameless and faceless, ultimately loveless, but she wouldn't be forgotten—especially not by Athrun and Lacus. Cagalli, on the other hand, had an entire nation as her legacy. How could anyone forget the beloved Queen of Orb?

"It isn't a curse, Athrun," Lacus amends, looking sorry. "I do not know what you are thinking, but I didn't mean to imply anything."

His frown only deepened.

"So is her death a blessing?"

The pink-haired woman grimaces. If he wants to have this conversation, then she will indulge him.

"Perhaps."

And at this point, Athrun begins to tremble. It has been so long— _so long_  since he had last spoken about her in this way, remembered how she was and what it was in her that he fell in love with. With these memories resurfacing themselves as he converses with Lacus, he is sure to  _break._

"If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will ever cherish the warmth of a bright summer's day," she continues, standing from her chair. She recalls a time when they were sixteen and Athrun was trying to court her, and they had talked in the gardens of her old home where the many haros he had made for her were bouncing around. Now, Lacus looks out from the terrace of the Clyne-Yamato residence in Aprilius Eight and sees a different man rewriting memories. "She will not rest in peace if you are still torturing yourself over her death. You deserve to be happy."

When he doesn't answer, Lacus adds:

"Meyrin deserves to be happy, too."

He nods, thinking of his fiancée who is out fitting dresses with her older sister.

And then he remembers Cagalli and how she refused to attend fittings for a new dress and insisted on reusing the one she wore to her wedding to Seiran.

"It was my mother's," the feisty blonde had said defensively."Well, not my biological mother. I meant the wife of Father."

* * *

_— Twenty Years Ago_

* * *

Here lies

Isolde Albi Sahaku-Athha  
 _beloved wife & mother_

C.E. 27  _—_ C.E. 60

* * *

"Oh, hello there!"

A woman is standing over her and she is wearing a black veil over her face; in her hands is a bouquet of white roses.

 _Pretty_ , the little girl thinks, putting her hands up to reach for the flowers.

"Dear me," she hears the woman say. The lady puts the bouquet unto the ground and she watches as the baby's breath spills onto the earth. Suddenly she is being pulled up and her face contorts in confusion as the woman coos at her. "Are you lost, little girl? What's your name?"

"Allie," she answers defiantly. Upon closer inspection, she sees dark brown hair underneath the woman's veil. "Mommy?"

"I'm not your mother, sweet child." _  
_

"No," she shakes her head. "Mommy's dead."

The woman eyes the little girl pitifully—but then again, why would anyone be in a cemetery if not for the dead?

"Is your father here?"

She nods slowly.

"I'll help you look for him, then. What's his name?"

"Uz—" She pauses and frowns because she cannot recite his name properly. "Uzi Nara Affa."

"Huh? So your name is Allie Nara-ffa...?"

"No!" She glares at the woman and the older lady is obviously frightened at what she thinks is a demon-child. The little girl looks over the woman's shoulder and sees the dark brown beard of her father. "Daddy!"

As the little girl struggled in the lady's arms, the woman had to put her down else she would drop the child. She watches as the little girl hugs her father's leg and then hides behind it while staring up at her.

"Thank you for finding her," the man says. The woman looks at his face and her mind blanks in recognition. "Cagalli is quite the troublesome child, you see."

"L-Lord Uzumi!" the woman stutters, bowing courteously. "I would have done it for any child."

Uzumi smiles gently and the woman wishes she could bury herself in the ground with the rest of the corpses because of how embarrassed she feels.

"Your kindness is precisely the reason why I am thanking you." Then, his hand reaches for the top of the head of the little girl. "Let us go home now, Cagalli."

The woman could only nod in response as they turn around and begin to walk away. Cagalli looks back and waves at her before a black limousine arrives and drives the nobles away.

"Goodbye!"

* * *

_— Present Time_

* * *

There is something wrong with this, she finally realizes as she wakes. Teon is sitting on a chair beside her bed; he has been watching over her while she sleeps—since when did he start doing so? When did she give him permission to do so?  _Who is he?_

"Why do I always dream of green eyes?"

"Beats me," Teon answers back with a scowl on his face. "No one here has green eyes."

She shakes her head because she knows that couldn't be right.  _Why hadn't she noticed this before?_

"No, no; all of you have green eyes."

"No, my eyes are brown."

She looks up and sees that his eyes are indeed brown. She blinks _—_ once, twice; she could have sworn his eyes were an emerald shade just a moment ago.

"Allie, you're trembling." _  
_

 _But is she really_? She looks down and sees her hands shake, the room spin, the earth beneath her shift _—_ and somehow her world is no longer the same.

"That's not my name, is it?" she asks, still unsteady. "My name isn't Allie Nara."

"Maybe it is; maybe it isn't." Teon merely shrugs. "But that's the name you told my father when they found you. You're just having one of your episodes."

"Is this normal: that I don't know who I am or who you are?" Her trembling hands begin to reach for the only thing she knows: the ring on a chain around her neck. "Who gave me this ring?"

Finally, Teon stands and paces the room. She watches him as he does so and attempts to read past the expression on his face.

"It doesn't matter who gave you that ring, Allie," he tells her quietly after a few minutes. "Your past doesn't matter anymore."

"And why not?" she asks boldly, moving to stand from her bed—but instead she falls onto the wooden floor, her knees not withstanding the full weight of her body. She is surprised by this, by the way she cannot feel anything below her waist. "Why..."

"You know why."

"No, I don't!" she cries as she struggles to get up. Teon walks over to her and offers to help her stand, but she flinches at his touch and swats his hand away. Still, there is something Teon finds strangely beautiful in the way she is broken; the way her long golden hair pools at her sides and her amber eyes are glossed over with tears. "Teon, please _—"_

"Because you can't walk, Allie!"

She should know this. It has been five years, has it not? But still, she doesn't.  _Why doesn't she know anything?_

But this she knows: to every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. To everything, there is a price to pay _—_ a burden, a consequence.

"You can't ever leave this island."


	4. I'm Only Human

_Wish I was sleeping, then I'd be_   
_dreaming; can't find a reason_   
_for my body's treason._   
_I'm only human._

I'm Only Human, Maria Mena

* * *

—  _Present Time_

* * *

If Kira is one thing, he is protective. Lacus knows this because her husband does not let her out of his sight— _ever._ Even when he is supposed to be working at Aprilius One to overlook matters for Zaft, he still knows what she is doing because he installed cameras in their home. He had defended himself, saying that it was for her own safety, especially as she was very pregnant. But Lacus knew better; she knew that it was for his own peace of mind—ever since he lost his sister, he could not afford to lose anyone else who is close to him.

So Lacus is not surprised when Kira calls her up and asks her:

"What is the future Mrs. Zala doing there?" When she answers with a shrug, Kira panics. "Lunamaria called Athrun and told him that Meyrin has gone missing. Athrun is in a meeting so he made Lunamaria and Shinn search for him and they've been looking for her since noon!"

"It is Miss Hawke's wish that I inform no one of her visit here," Lacus replies. "Surely you will grant the woman her privacy?"

"Athrun is her fiancé and they're getting married and so they shouldn't keep anything from each other!"

"They're not married  _yet_ , Kira. He can install cameras in the Zala residence after they get married, hm?"

"Lacus!"

"Relax, Kira," she said, intercepting a tea set from one of their household staff. "Meyrin says she simply wants to talk. The poor girl looks frazzled enough as is."

Kira is obviously upset but nods understandingly. After all, he does not want to stress his very pregnant wife.

"Knowing Athrun he's probably worrying instead of focusing on the meeting. The session will be over in an hour so I'm giving you till then to talk with Meyrin."

"Thank you, Kira."

The screen goes dark and Lacus carries—much to the dismay of her attendants—the tray to the terrace where Meyrin Hawke is waiting. She spots the red-headed lady fumbling with the lace of her dress and frowns, wonders what could she possibly be thinking.

"Miss Hawke?" Lacus sits down on a chair opposite Meyrin and the younger woman stares up quietly at the ever-exquisite councilwoman. "I've prepared yellow tea and a few sugar cookies for you. Is that alright?"

Lacus pours the hot drink into one of the porcelain cups and hands it to Meyrin, who nods with a blank look in her eyes and plops a cube of sugar into the teacup and watches as it dissolves quickly with the heat. Stirring mindlessly, Meyrin gathers her thoughts, thinking of how to talk to councilwoman Clyne, war hero and ex-fiancée of Athrun Zala.

"Meyrin?" Lacus brings Meyrin out of her thoughts with a concerned expression. "You have been stirring for the past five minutes. I'm afraid that your tea is going cold."

"Oh." Meyrin drops the teaspoon and shakes her head. "It's just that I'm not sure how to say this..."

"Is this a wedding concern of yours?"

The redhead nods meekly. Lacus sips from her own cup, noting that this conversation will only move forward if Meyrin decides to confide in her. After a few more minutes of waiting in comfortable silence, Meyrin speaks up.

"I don't think I can marry Athrun."

* * *

" _To die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to Dream_ —"

"Stop reading to me."

"Well, though luck, Miss Allie Nara, because without me you'd be bored out of your mind." Teon closes the book in his hand and shuffles to the door of the room. "You should learn to be more thankful of the things I do for you."

Allie glares at him with her honey-colored eyes from her small bed and says, "You could be useful and wheel me out of the house."

Teon rolls his eyes. Ever since their last argument during one of her episodes, there has been nothing but tension between them. He finds it odd because it's been over a month and she has yet to forget who and where they are. Teon won't admit it to her because they were still quite angry with one another, but he is happy that she is recovering, that she remembers everything that has happened in her small room in the past month.

"You can wheel yourself to the bathroom across the hall."

"I can't wheel down stairs, now can I?"

He shrugs and chooses to ignore the insufferable blonde, else they fight again. Teon closes the door behind him with a sigh and finds his father standing in front of him.

"Son." The old man places a hand on Teon's shoulders. "Don't do this to yourself—to both of you. Allie is a lost girl. She's lonely and confused—"

"She's been lonely and confused for the past five years, Dad!" Teon snaps back vindictively. "If she'd only let me in—"

"Teon, she doesn't love you."

"She will if she lets go of the idea that her past matters!"

The old man strikes his son and Teon recoils then trembles with anger as he faces his father again.

"Are you so willing to let go of your past? Are you willing to forget about your own mother?" he shouts, furious. Then, the old man calms himself as he hears the sound of Allie pulling herself onto her wheelchair and her door creaks open slowly. Allie looks terrified, never having seen the old man lose his composure before, but she says nothing. "The past is just as important as the present and the future. Never forget that."

Later, they hear the main door of the house slam shut and Teon finally breathes.

"What happened to your mother?"

He almost forgets that Allie is right there behind him.

"She drowned."

Allie scrunches her eyebrows.

"When was this?"

Teon sighs, not in the mood to speak about his late mother—not that he ever is, but seeing as Allie is there and that if she doesn't forget about what happens today, then she will no doubt keep badgering him about it.

"Five years ago, a month before they found you," Teon replies as he rubs his hand over the sore spot where his father had hit him. "That's why Dad took you in, because he wanted to believe that the god of the sea gave your life to us for taking away Mom's."

"I see..."

The brown-eyed boy looks at the blonde and gives her a small smile. She is taken aback by his gesture because they are supposedly at odds with one another, but she finds it in herself to smile back at him.

"Are you  _that_  desperate to leave?" he asks her. "I've already told you this before, but I don't think you remember. You can't leave this island not because of your handicap, but because we don't have the means to. The winds won't let our small boats go anywhere. You're trapped here just like the rest of us."

He continues to stare at her, to look for something else in her eyes that will tell him that she wants to stay to be with him.

"Why do you choose to stay?"

"Because this is home."

"No, you were born here, weren't you?" Allie says quietly, her voice is low and nothing but sincere in its curiosity. "Why did your forefathers go here?"

Teon ruffles his hair, finding it startling that they were being civil to one another again. "They didn't want to get caught up in the Natural-Coordinator mess at the start of the Cosmic Era, so they found this island and I guess that's why we're here."

Allie shakes her head, thinking. "How did they get on this island?"

"I don't know, but if you're thinking of planes or giant ships, we don't have those here."

"There really is no way, then..."

Teon watches as Allie wheels herself back into the room she has been confined in for the past five years. He follows her into the room and she looks up at him expectantly.

" _A caged bird stands on the grave of dreams...for the caged bird sings of freedom_."

"Shall I applaud you for your declamation skills? I already know you can read, Teon; you needn't prove anything to me," Allie laughs—and Teon, his poor heart clenches at the sight of her happiness. After she catches him staring at her, she huffs her cheeks petulantly, almost like a child, and asks him, "Is something the matter?"

_She doesn't love you._

"I know a way you can leave this island."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teon reads from Hamlet by Shakespeare; Caged Bird is a poem by Maya Angelou.


	5. A Drop in The Ocean

_A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather._  
I was praying that you and me might end up together.  


A Drop in The Ocean, Ron Pope

* * *

—  _Present Time_

* * *

"I love you."

"Say that again."

"I love you," he says, this time with much more conviction. "I really do."

And she feels it— _a rush in her veins, an exhilaration which she cannot put a name on_ —and lets her bag fall onto the floor of their shared home. She turns around and finds him looking at her, looking like a lost puppy; looking like the man who has lost everything in his life. And she loves him, she does, but she cannot continue with the pretense that it is her whom he loves, when in reality, she is competing with memories of a ghost—and is  _losing_.

"Please," he pleads. "Don't leave me."

"Athrun." She has long ago dropped the formalities with him. She is no longer the girl of sixteen who blindly praises, who falls for a man who is out of her reach. Meyrin knows the man standing in front of her, knows how he is at his best and at his worst. She can proudly say that at this point she knows him better than anyone else, than himself—because the only other person who has the same knowledge as her is  _dead_. "I can't...I just can't do this anymore."

"Because you don't think I love you?" he asks, obviously desperate. "Meyrin, I do love you.  _Please_ , I—"

"You wouldn't be marrying me if you didn't?" she finishes his sentence for him. Meyrin scoffs and can hardly contain the manic laughter bubbling in her throat. "Well, Athrun Zala, this wouldn't be your first engagement for your own convenience, would it?"

"I'm not marrying you out of convenience!" Athrun tells her as he grabs her by the arm; it pains her slightly, but still it is no match for the heaviness in her chest. "I'm marrying you because I love you, Meyrin. Why don't you believe me?"

"Because it's such an obvious lie!"

"I'm not lying to you!"

Meyrin cries as Athrun pulls her into his deceptively gentle hold. She shivers with the way he runs his hand through her hair and whispers how he loves her so, and the cadence of those three words repeated over and over again is enough to break her. Athrun's other hand slides down her left arm and his thumb carefully grazes over the sapphire gem which he knows she will never take off.

"I love you."

Her tears do not stop falling, but she does give him a small smile.

"I love you, too."

* * *

New Leads to Mystery of Cagalli Yula Athha's Death?

_Olofat, Orb Union_  — More than five years after the shuttle of former Orb Chief Representative Cagalli Yula Athha exploded less than an hour after launching, and the mystery behind the explosion still has not been solved. After the celebration of Athha Day weeks ago, Orb Prime Minister Eito Teitoki announced the re-opening of the late Queen's case after putting it on hold for the past three years.

"We cannot simply dismiss the possibility that the late Queen Athha's death could have been at the hands of someone else and not due to a random freak accident. We owe the peace and stability we have now to Lord Uzumi and Queen Cagalli, and it is the least we can do to not forget; and if ever, [to] bring justice," said the Prime Minister during a press conference.

Morgenroete Incorporated Senior Engineer Erica Simmons, who was part of the investigatory team five years ago, is now leading the new operation. The team have more or less recovered most of the debris from the shuttle which did not burn up in the atmosphere, but the flight data recorder remains missing. Search operations for the flight data recorder returned futile due to the breadth and depth of the Pacific Ocean, but Morgenroete has developed a new ship which can withstand the pressure at the ocean floor level.

"I am very excited," says Engineer Simmons. "Not only are we searching for the black box, but we are also cleaning up the ocean from all the metal debris from the previous wars. We also have scientists on-board because this is [a] great opportunity to discover what the life is like at the bottom of the ocean."

The late Queen's biological brother, ZAFT Commander Kira Yamato, has declined to take part in the expedition, choosing instead to be at the side of his wife, PLANT Supreme Council Chairwoman Lacus Clyne-Yamato, who is due to give birth to their child soon. PLANT Councilman Athrun Zala, the late Queen's former fiancé, has given no comment on this new operation and declined for an interview, as he is busy overlooking the building of Neo-Junius Seven and handling his wedding to Meyrin Hawke.

* * *

When Teon notices that the fabric over his shoulder is becoming moist, he stops walking and nudges Allie to wake. Her head nuzzles into his neck—he wishes he can ignore how it makes him feel weak—before her eyes flutter open and sees the brown and green trail in front of them.

"Where are we?" she half-asks, half-yawns. "Are we there yet?"

Teon shakes his head and sets her down before he stretches his tired limbs. His gaze travels to the small dirt path in front of him and then to the blonde sitting on the floor beside him. He wants to point out that she was crying in her sleep  _again_ , but decides against it.

"Did you have an aversion to wearing dresses even in your past life?" he starts a conversation—after all, he's had no one to talk to in the past three hours of their hike. "Honestly, Allie, you were prettier in a dress."

"I resent that," she replied, glaring playfully at him. Then, she takes a bottle of water from the knapsack on her back and hands it to him. "So are we almost there?"

"Almost," he answers, unaware of his own thirst until the cool water soaks his mouth. "I'm taking you to the other side of the island."

"Couldn't we have taken the beach path?" Allie inquires, groaning. "I'd prefer to feel the sand between my toes ."

"I'm the one carrying you all the way there so you really shouldn't be complaining." Teon laughs as he gives back the bottle to her. "Besides, the beach is closed off between two cliffs. Where we're going, there's no beach front, only rocks along the ocean."

Allie frowns. "It sounds like you're taking me no where."

"There is something there," Teon says, kneeling down until he finally feels Allie's arms wrap around his neck. It takes everything in him not to react to her touch because in his head he keeps hearing his father tell him:  _she doesn't love you_. "And I think it could take you home. We're only a few minutes away, let's go."

They start another conversation and he hears her giggle, senses her loose golden hair on his sides, feels her breath tickle the shell of his ear. He wonders how in the world does anyone expect him not to fall in love with her—how anyone can  _not_  love her when she is so beautiful. But then as he takes another step, he feels the ring she wears around her necklace dig into his back and there is another voice in his head telling him:  _let her go_.

Finally they arrive at the end of the path and she gasps at the sight before them.

Teon can feel her arms lock tighter around his neck, so he checks to see her reaction. Does seeing it trigger her memories of the war she must have gone through?

"I don't know what you call it, but I guess it's the closest thing we have to a plane."

"I know what it is," Allie says, her usually expressive eyes blank as she looks at the massive metal armor standing over the rocks, the ocean waves crashing onto its legs. "It's a mobile suit."


	6. I'll Never Forget You

_Says he's had a change of heart,_   
_he thinks he's made a grave mistake;_   
_but I, I'll never forget you._

I'll Never Forget You, Birdie

* * *

—  _Present Time_

* * *

Lacus looks up from bubbly eyes which are the shade of the morning sky and finds her dear friend smiling at her from the doorway of her rather large hospital room. The walls are a shade of pink and around her are flowers and greeting cards—and it seems that her friend brought another bouquet to add to her collection.

"I didn't think you would come," she tells him, her voice not hiding her exhaustion. "Not when your wedding is only a few days away."

"My flight can be rescheduled, but seeing my godchild for the first time cannot."

He takes long strides until he reaches the couch on one side of the room; takes a seat and wakes the other occupant on the piece of furniture.

"Athrun?" Kira yawns groggily as he sits up properly. "Shouldn't you be in the Oceana Union by now?"

The blue-haired councilman ignores his best friend's question and instead turns his eyes on the small figure in his ex-fiancée's arms.

"What's her name?"

"Allie Yamato," Lacus answers with a very maternal countenance. "We would have named her Yula, but Cagalli had told me once that she wasn't too fond of her middle name."

"And also because two Y's in a name felt too much," Kira jokes, stretching out his legs on the white tiled floor. "Myrna said that the Princess couldn't say her full name when she was younger and just went by Allie."

"I know," Athrun replies wistfully. "Cagalli told me that herself."

Kira and Lacus share a knowing look—they both can feel that there is something else on their friend's mind, that there is some other reason he is staying in space instead of helping his soon-to-be wife down on earth. But they will not act on whatever assumptions they have because they know it will not help anyone.

"Do you want to carry her?" Lacus offers, her soft gaze alternating between Allie and Athrun. "I'm sure she's just as excited to meet her godfather."

Athrun turns to his left and after Kira gives an encouraging nod, he stands and walks to Lacus' bedside. He takes over carrying the little child wrapped in yellow cotton and is greeted by high-pitched gurgles. The blue-haired man stares at the babe in wonder as he sees both Lacus and Kira in the child, as he sees the physical manifestation of the bright future they all pledged to strive for together.

He sees Lacus' sky-blue eyes and a lighter shade of Kira's brown hair—and knows that it is Cagalli's high-profile nose the child will grow to have.

"Hi there," he coos as he begins to believe that he can finally live for the future. "Hello, Allie."

* * *

Allie is in the cockpit of the mobile suit, staring at the cluster of complex buttons and screens—so technologically advanced and nothing she has ever seen in Teon's house of ancient things. In the pit of her stomach is a bundle of nerves she cannot quell and she feels a mixture of excitement and terror at the prospect of finding her past.

"I'm scared," she admits, looking to Teon who is crouching in front of her. "Teon, I'm  _really_  scared."

He laughs it off—like how he laughs off everything she says lately—and says, "You don't even have to do anything but sit down there."

"What if the auto-pilot thing fails? Or what if it runs out of fuel or something?" Her mind begins to create so many different scenarios in which the end outcome is the same: she  _dies_. "What if I crash in the middle of the ocean or what if I accidentally press something and this whole thing  _explodes_? I'm an invalid  _already_!"

"Relax, Allie." Teon is suddenly touching her face and brushing away the stray strands of golden hair behind her ear. "I promise you that it's not going to fail."

"But you know nothing of this new technology!"

"Well, I read the manual and I know nothing's going to happen to you until you reach the coordinates we input," Teon reassures her with a soft smile. "And by then you'll be in the zone of air traffic control and you press...?"

"The blue button," she answers confidently, having gone through her protocol at least a hundred times. "And then they'll ask me to land and then I will tell them that I don't know how. Then they'll escort me and I will find my past."

Allie stares into Teon's brown eyes, curious at the meaning behind the look he is giving her. But then he shakes his head and laughs  _again_  and whatever moment they had is broken.

"I'm scared," she repeats. Once he jumps off, it will be the last time she hears from Teon—and quite possibly the last time she will ever see him. "I want you to come with me."

"And I want you to stay."

"But I don't know what I have to live for when I know nothing about myself."

"You can live for the future," Teon sighs and holds her trembling hand. "You can live for me."

Allie almost says  _yes_  to staying, to living out the rest of her life on this island with Teon—because her fear almost drives her to agree. Almost. Teon knows that he cannot truly sway her decision, so instead he laughs—and laughs and  _laughs_  to pretend that what he's feeling isn't breaking him from the inside. _  
_

"How can you let me go?" she asks, her voice childlike, laced with innocence, laced with something that mocks Teon because _how can she not know?_

"Because I love you, Allie."

Her eyes stay open as he places his lips over hers. She doesn't know if she has kissed anyone before in her life, but from the gesture alone she  _knows_  that what Teon feels for her cannot be reciprocated—not when the ring around her neck grounds her, reminds her that there is someone out there who loves her, who is  _waiting_ —who she must have loved in return. When Teon leans back, the apology is already forming in her throat.

"And I suppose," he continues with a sad smile. "That sometimes loving someone means having to let go."

"Teon—"

"I don't even want to hear it, Allie," he shakes his head; his hand still over hers. "Just promise me that you won't forget me."

"I'm not sure if you're playing with me or not," she groans, tears welling at the corner of her eyes. "I'll never forget you."

"You better not," he finally says and wipes all of her tears away, squeezes her hand in reassurance for the last time. "Goodbye, Allie."

* * *

BREAKING NEWS: DEATH OF QUEEN CAGALLI YULA ATHHA, MYSTERY NO MORE

_Olofat, Orb Union_  — While the deep sea expedition ship Umi-Yula will not resurface until the end of September this year, the first coded message has been publicly leaked, saying that the escape pod supposedly used by Queen Cagalli Yula Athha has been found empty at the bottom of the North Pacific Ocean—except for a note left-behind with the message 'For the Preservation of our Blue and Pure World'. There is no longer any doubt that the passing of the beloved former Chief Representative of Orb was at the hands of surviving members of the radical group Blue Cosmos from the First Bloody Valentine War.

Currently there are demonstrations being held outside of the Parliament Building in which the citizens of Orb are demanding justice for their late Queen. There have been no official statements released by either governments of Orb or Earth Alliance, but Orb Prime Minister Eito Teitoki has called for a press conference later at 8 P.M., Orb Union Time.


	7. Dead in The Water

_We're smiling all the same;_   
_you sail away again._   
_I'm dead in the water._

Dead in The Water, Ellie Goulding

* * *

—  _Five Years Ago_

* * *

"You die here,  _traitor_."

There is the sound of bullets whizzing past, hitting both metal and flesh; the acrid stench of blood mixed with the air freshener of the shuttle. Cagalli is hiding behind one of the seats while her guards beside her have their own guns out and targeted at those who want to take her life. She doesn't have a gun on her person; she didn't think she would need to because just earlier today Kisaka told her that everything would run smoothly and Athrun said he knew all of her flight details.

 _Well_ , she thinks as she hears another body thump down onto the floor,  _I can tell neither of them counted on Blue Cosmos to be here._

"Your Excellency, we will try to bring you to the back where the escape pod should be."

One of her escorts scoots down to brief her: where to run, how to always stay behind them; but no one can tell her why this is happening.

"Come out, Cagalli Yula Athha, and accept the fate you brought onto yourself as a coordinator-lover!"

She is frozen in place, scared not only for herself, but also for the fragile peace she has given up her youth for. This hatred can only bring misery, for hatred  _begets_  hatred—but who is she to even think that there is salvation for those who have given up their souls to the meaningless war?

"On the count of three," she hears her escort's voice above the sound of bullets. "We will begin to move to the back. One, two—"

But his count never reaches to three for a bullet lodges into his neck. Cagalli watches in horror as his deep red blood spurts out and ends up on her cheeks, but knows that she cannot dwell on the loss of his life—not when he can see the man who was taken it and not looking the slightest bit remorseful. Another one of her escorts falls and Cagalli doesn't think anymore of a plan and instead runs by herself. The thrill is all too familiar, except now the consequences are more apparent and are heavier than ever.

_Die here and fail your country._

_Die here and lose Athrun forever._

_Die here and never see tomorrow._

Cagalli reaches the pod and seals it shut at the press of a button, but when she is finally truly alone and away from her shuttle and the adrenaline wears off, it is then that she realizes that she hadn't escaped unscathed. There is a bullet to her back and she cannot stand, cannot move from her place even after she commands her legs to do so. Looking around, she sees her surroundings properly now: the damaged console, the ripped seats, the cursed words etched onto the wall:  _For the Preservation of Our Blue and Pure World_.

The cracked screen across her flickers on and a face she doesn't recognize appears.

"Good morning, Your Highness," he mocks her. "Do you know what time it is?"

Before Cagalli can even think of a reply, the hatch door opens by his command and the ocean water begins to fill into the small confines of her escape pod.

"It's time for you to  _die_."

* * *

Teon runs up the trail with his father and five other men from their small village after they see the gigantic machinery fly over their small island. He doesn't believe in extra-terrestrial life, doesn't believe in the fantasies from the fictional books he owns—but seeing this gigantic contraption makes him doubt his reality and Teon begins to wonder of the life outside the isle.

They end up on the other side of the island, where there are only rocks and the ocean and the rising sun and the silhouette of a man—or an alien?—descending the not-plane.

"It is done," the man weeps on the precipice of the island, openly cries in front of them as blood trickles down the side of his face. "Cagalli Yula Athha is dead."

He takes out a gun and brings it up to his temple, pulls the trigger; and the man collapses with a dazed smile on his face—that of a murderer, that of everything that is wrong with the rest of the world; that of everything Teon fears if he ever leaves this island. Teon's father pulls him away and tells him there is nothing to see—but Teon has already  _seen_ the horrifying sight, seen the madness as he announced the death of this person, this  _Cagalli Yula Athha_.

Not a day later, a girl is washed up on the shore of their beach.

"What is your name?"

His father tries to keep her awake, to keep her alive; to keep her from dying because both of them can no longer bear to watch another person expire in front of them.

"Allie...Nara..."

* * *

—  _Three Years Ago_

* * *

"I can't walk?"

Teon nods. It is exactly the sixteenth time she has asked this and he knows that all he needs to do is nod—because he is tired of trying to make her remember.  _At least_ , he consoles himself as he watches her eyebrows furrow like they always do,  _she remembers his name_.

"Teon," she calls out to him and he looks up attentively. "Is there anyone here with green eyes?"

It is exactly the fiftieth time she has asked this.

"There is no one here with green eyes, Allie."

"Oh." She retreats her back onto the headrest of her bed and pulls her sheets up. "It's just that..."

"What is it?" he asks even though he knows what her answer will be.

"I keep dreaming of green eyes."

* * *

—  _One Year Ago_

* * *

" _Go ask his name: if he be married. My grave is like to be my wedding bed_."

She laughs at his declamation, at how he entertains her as she stays bedridden in the empty room of their house; in the room in which she has spent four years lazing about.

"You needn't modulate your voice, Teon," she says in between a fit of chuckles; and he cannot help but to be happy along with her. "Really, Juliet probably did not sound like you. You're more of a screeching bird!"

"Girls sound like this," Teon teases back, his voice returning to its natural low frequency. "They sound like screeching birds."

"What? I'm a girl and my voice is low."

"Are you quite sure you're a girl, Allie?"

When she throws one of her pillows at him, Teon is filled with his fondness for the girl with long golden locks.

" _A rhyme I learn'd even now_ ," he continues to narrate, holding her pillow in front of him. " _Of one I danced withal_ —"

"I'm pretty sure you skipped a verse or two."

Teon looks up from his book and watches as the sea breeze enters the room and pulls at her tresses.

"You should have stopped at pretty," he tells her; amused when her cheeks turn rouge. " _For here lies Juliet, and her beauty makes this vault a feasting presence full of light. Death, lie thou there, by a dead man interr'd._ "

"Did you just skip to the ending?" Allie growls, now angry, yet her face is still flushed from her earlier mortification. "Teon..."

"I already warned you, Allie," he says with a not-so guilty smile. "They don't get a happy ending."

* * *

—  _Present Time_

* * *

It is the first time in five years in which Cagalli  _wants_  to wake up from her dream.

"It's bad luck to see the bride in her wedding dress," Meyrin says, gushing like the bride she is. "Why are you here anyway? You'll see me in less than an hour from now, Athrun."

Athrun smiles, blushing like the boy he used to be.

"The Oceana Union is still partly governed by the PLANT Supreme Council; I had to answer to an emergency summon and your hotel is on the way back to the cathedral."

"I think you're just making that up."

"You can think whatever you want, Mrs. Zala," he laughs, pulling her into a hug. Meyrin's white dress bloats below her waist and Athrun has to position himself properly just to hold his betrothed. "I have a feeling Lunamaria knows I'm here."

"She'll throw a fit once she realizes Shinn dragged her outside for nothing."

"She has every right to throw a fit because little Stellar probably drives her crazy."

"My niece can be quite a handful," Meyrin shrugs, trying to pull at her white veil. "Get out, Athrun."

Athrun puts a hand over his chest in faux-pain.

"My wife is already kicking me out," he jokes, still holding the younger redhead's back with his other hand. "Even though we're not yet married."

Meyrin frowns and pushes him softly, thinks that he shouldn't be joking like that.

"Luna will be back soon," she says with a slight chuckle; pushing him to the door. Meyrin knows that she is no match to him in terms of strength, but she is happy that he obliges her. "Athrun..."

"Alright, alright." He finally surrenders and puts his hands up. "I'll go."

"I'll see you later?" Meyrin asks even though she knows what the answer will be. She  _will_  see him, won't she? After all, they cannot have  _their_  wedding without each other. So she shakes her head—the pins on her hair scratching her scalp uncomfortably as she does so—and amends, "I'll see you."

When she smiles, Athrun is filled with his fondness for the girl with long scarlet locks.

And as he closes the door, Cagalli watches as Athrun's contentment never leaves his features. And her heart  _breaks_.

_Die here and lose Athrun forever._

She is alive, and yet she has still lost him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teon reads from Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare.


	8. Broken Vow

_Tell me the words I never said._   
_Show me the tears you never shed._   
_Give me the touch—that one,  
you promised to be mine._

Broken Vow, Lara Fabian

* * *

—  _Six Years Ago_

* * *

"This distance between us, I don't like it."

"Well, what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know."

"Two wars and you still don't know what you want to do with your life!" Cagalli growls as she stands from her seat, slams her hands onto her wooden desk. "Gee, Zala, I'm sorry if I'm not fulfilling whatever expectations you have of whatever relationship we had back then, but in case you didn't already know, I'm not going to wait forever for you."

"I'm not asking you to—"

"Especially not after  _you_  left  _me_."

"Cagalli—"

"No, Zala, I don't want to talk to you ever again!"

Her voice booms within the confines of her spacious office, but it is still not enough to deter the resilient soldier that is Athrun Zala.

"Since when did you call me Zala?" Despite her best efforts to appear distant, it doesn't seem to faze him one bit. "Are you aware that you're acting like a child?"

"I am not!" she shouts back in her own defense. "You've no right to patronize me!"

"Well." The ever cool and collected Athrun merely smiles at her. "That's one question answered."

And Cagalli wants to cry, to have him hold her, to let him wash over her.  _How could he even stand to be in the same room as her?_  She wants him to tell her the words he never told her before, to tell her he loves her before she completely lets him go.

"I don't know who you are anymore."

"You have forever to find out."

"I already told you that I'm not going to wait—"

"I'm not going to make you wait."

All Cagalli can do is watch as Athrun saunters to her table and takes her hand and— _shakes it_?

"Hello, Cagalli; I'm Athrun," he introduces, still smiling, stifling his laughter. "Now, will you marry me?"

* * *

—  _Present Time_

* * *

His father had told him to go out and buy the most expensive diamond ring he could find. When he was sixteen, he never imagined how his wedding day would play out. At that time, he was engaged to  _the_ Lacus Clyne, the PLANT's sweetheart and daughter of the Chairman of the PLANT Supreme Council. Surely, it would have been a grand occasion.

Two years later, he gave Cagalli a ruby ring with a rather unique cut; something to show her his promise of coming back to her. And while their roads diverged during the war, they had found their way back to each other—they promised they would always belong to one another. She wanted a beach wedding; wanted for them to return to the island where they had met on that fateful day. When he told her he wasn't too sure if it was possible, she shrugged it off and said it didn't matter. Cagalli still wore his ring faithfully, declaring herself  _his_  and only  _his_.

When her shuttle has exploded, she had the ring with her. Even in death, she was his.

For days—weeks, months—he could not let go of the pendant she had given him; but eventually, especially with Meyrin's support, he let it go and hid it away.

And now in his hand is Meyrin's sapphire ring.

"Councilman Zala, if you may, please put the ring onto your betrothed's finger now."

 _Right._ After he had slowly placed it onto Meyrin's slim finger, he returned her smile. When he had asked her to marry him— _to stay with him forever_ —he hadn't thought of this moment: of looking at her big blue eyes and finding them  _so wrong_. He wonders now, is this what Cagalli had felt as she stood at the aisle with that terrible Seiran?

"If there is anyone who opposes the union between Councilman Athrun Zala and Lady Meyrin Hawke, please rise and speak now or forever hold your peace—"

Kira Yamato stands abruptly and the other witnesses gasp; while Lacus Clyne- Yamato has a hand over her mouth, her eyes wide in horror as she half-sits and half-stands. The media present have their cameras aimed at the most powerful couple of PLANT and the multiple flashes dazzle everyone else seated in the lined pews. Beside them, a man dressed in a black suit, someone from the security bureau, has his head bowed down respectfully, understanding the shock which the ZAFT Commander and the PLANT Supreme Council Chairwoman are undergoing.

"Athrun...?" Meyrin cries behind her white veil, confused. "What's happening?"

But Athrun himself is lost.

And  _yet_ , one look from his best friend is somehow  _enough_.

"Meyrin," he speaks her name softly, endearingly— _for after all, he does love her_ —and wills his feet to run after the Yamato couple. "I'm sorry."

* * *

Elsewhere,  _she_  wakes.

Her amber eyes flit open and adjust accordingly to the white fluorescent light of the small room. She hears the monitor beep with every thump of her heart and watches as her lifeline steadies.

"I'm glad you are awake, Miss Cagalli Yula Athha."

A man in a white robe addresses her. Finally, the heavy weight on her heart purges itself. Another woman in the room, a nurse, pushes aside the curtain of her window and the orange setting sun bathes her in its afterglow. The scent of the ocean is so far away from her now and in its stead is the harsh stench of bleach or sanitizer. All she sees is white, white, white—and light traces of the orange dusk.

"Miss Cagalli Yula Athha?"

_Is that who I am?_

Her name is Allie Nara, an orphan girl with no memory of her past, washed ashore on an island in the Pacific Ocean. She cannot walk and instead she has Teon to keep her company, to help her in everything she does; because he loves her and—

_No._

Her name is Cagalli Yula Athha, daughter of Uzumi Nara Athha; Queen and Chief Representative of the United Emirates of Orb. She is the biological sister of Kira Yamato, sister-in-law to Lacus Clyne-Yamato; and fiancée of Athrun Zala—because she loves him as he loves her.

Cagalli smiles contentedly and lets her drowsiness pull her back into the realm of dreams.

And there, all she sees is green.


	9. Flowers For A Ghost

_Who will bring me flowers when it's over?_   
_And who will give me comfort when it's cold?_   
_And who will I belong to when the day just won't give in?_   
_And who will tell me how it ends and how it all begins?_   
_Oh no, don't ever say goodbye._

Flowers For A Ghost, Thriving Ivory

* * *

—  _Present Time_

* * *

Cagalli Yula Athha was never fond of tea. When asked about beverages, she very much preferred the bitter taste of coffee or the comfortable warmth of melted chocolate in milk over the blandness of seeped dried leaves.

But for Lacus Clyne, she would always make an exception.

"This is really good," she says after taking a long sip—however her slight wince is not missed by the sharp eyes of Lacus. "Thank you,  _Chairwoman_."

Lacus tries not to show her dismay at being addressed so formally by someone she considers to be her best friend, but inevitably fails. In her eyes now are the tears she had kept to herself for so long, for one had to be strong for the two men who loved— _loves_ Cagalli Yula Athha.

"Oh!" Cagalli fumbles in her small white bed and sets aside her cup of tea on the tray on her lap. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Not at all," Lacus amends while taking out a handkerchief to dab at the corner of her eyes. "Look at me; I came here to talk to you and I look like a mess. In any case, do you know who I am?"

"You are PLANT Chairwoman Lacus Clyne-Yamato—"

"No, no," Lacus shakes her head. "Do you know who I am to you?"

Cagalli frowns and stares blankly into the piercing light blue of Lacus' eyes.

"I'm your sister-in-law," Lacus begins to narrate. "But before that, we were friends—the best of. During the war, we formed Terminal and helped each other attain the peace we have now on Earth and up in the PLANTs."

The blonde blinks. "Help attain peace?  _Me?_ "

"You were the daughter of the great Uzumi Nara Athha. He was the Chief Representative of Orb and you inherited his position after he sacrificed himself during the first war. You led the country even better than your father did. You overcame his shadow and became your own woman—and that was what he had wanted for you all along."

"I'm sorry," Cagalli mumbles between her low chortles. "It all sounds so... _farfetched_. I just—I mean, look at me: I can't walk! How could I have done all of those while I'm only..."

"Twenty-five," Lacus supplies. "You have been missing—no, presumed dead for the past five years; so all of your accomplishments were done when you were aged sixteen to twenty."

"I couldn't have possibly..." She shakes her head and her long golden hair which was tied behind her head comes loose and falls unto her torso. Lacus is surprised at how long her friend's hair has grown, but does not let it show. She also keeps a small chuckle to herself—the old Cagalli would never have let it grown past her chest. "Even if I had, I don't think I can take on such a big burden again."

"You did," Lacus encourages with a graceful smile as she takes the free hands of her dear friend. "But you needn't fill in those big shoes again, I promise. You've given up your youth for the sake of the world—and to everyone else, you are dead. It's time that you finally get to live out your life; you deserve it. We've missed you so, Cagalli."

"I'm sorry I can't quite say the same to whoever you are referring to as ' _we_ '."

"It's understandable," Lacus acquiesces, her smile beginning to bare her straight white teeth. "But I hope with all my heart that you will give yourself the chance to open yourself up to all those who care for you."

Cagalli nods and returns the gesture with a small smile of her own. Again, she takes up her cup of tea and takes another sip—and this time, she actually enjoys the warm drink.

"I will."

* * *

She stares at the small photograph in her hands. There are two small children—one with hair the color of dark chocolate and one with her golden locks—being cradled in the arms of a smiling woman, of the mother she has never known.

"You were the one to have given me that picture," Kira says with a rare smile reserved only for his only sister. "Her name was Via and Mother had said—when I say Mother I mean not her, but rather our aunt, um, biological aunt who had adopted me and not...I mean, they were sisters and—"

"Alright," Cagalli cuts in his nervous rambling with her ever contagious laughter. "Kira Yamato and Cagalli Yula Athha are siblings separated at birth, reunited during the First Blood Valentine War. Did I get that correctly?"

Kira nods.

"So for sixteen years, we weren't aware of each other's existence?"

"But we made up for it," Kira assures his sister. "Whenever you were free, we would have dinners and you helped out at the orphanage with me and Lacus."

"Did we now?" she asks playfully and Kira begins to see the semblance between this sickly woman with long blonde hair and the fair-skinned girl with combat boots on and guns in their holsters above her cargo pants. "Pray tell all you have done for me, dear brother of mine."

Kira is flustered by her question. In the past five years he recounted each moment they were together and  _cried_  as he thought he could have done more for her, spoken more honestly, and supported her better. For five years he lived in regret over the things he  _didn't_  do for Cagalli; and the moment he received news of her being  _alive_ , he had resolved to finally do better—after all, he knows better than most that not everyone is afforded a second chance.

"Perhaps the thing that I did for you which you are most grateful for was during the second war," he answers after thinking for a while. "I stole you from your wedding."

"Wait, what?" she splutters, disbelief all over her face. "You...I was  _engaged_?"

Kira nods again. Outside waiting for his turn is Athrun, still dressed in his wedding suit. Waiting, waiting; always  _waiting_  for the true love of his life.

"Is he the one to have given me this ring?" Cagalli takes out the ring hidden beneath the starchy hospital gown and shows it to her brother. Her ever honest amber eyes fail to hide her desperation and Kira can see just how his sister has been struggling for a sense of normalcy even though it has only been him and Lacus to have spoken with her. He can see how she wants to find out about herself more than anything in the world. "Well?"

"No," he tells her honestly. "You were engaged to a terrible man who took part in destroying everything you worked so hard for. The one who gave you that ring...he truly loved you."

 _Loved_. Cagalli feels her hopes shattering at the word.  _Loved—_ to love, but in the past; to have been loved.

"He still does."

"Is he here too?" she asks immediately, her excitement showing too much. "I want to know. For five years, all I had about my past was this ring so whoever gave me this must have been important enough for me to have held onto it."

Kira averts her question, not wanting to get her hopes up too much. After all, she recognizes no one; what if she is expecting to see someone else? That would only  _ruin_  Athrun.

"I'm your brother," is his only reply. "Before any other man, I should come first. Okay?"

"Man?" she scoffs and crosses her arms over her chest. Kira sighs in relief as his temporary distraction pays off. "You call yourself a man? But you've always been such a crybaby!"

The brunet looks at his twin sister in astonishment.

"I never told you that."

Cagalli looks back, wishing she hadn't spoken at all. She watches as Kira's motions to speak again; but a migraine begins to form in her head and she clutches at her hair in pain. There is a tremor running through her veins, shaking her bones, digging into each crevice of her body; and soon enough the pain overwhelms her.

"Cagalli!" she hears him cry through shut eyes.  _Typical Kira_ , is her last thought before she succumbs to sleep once more.

* * *

When she opens her eyes again, she sees green.

"I know you," she whispers; and her voice is the same one which has haunted him all these years. "You...you're always in my dreams."

"Am I now?" These are his first words to her and there is a quiver in his voice as he speaks. "You're in my dreams, too."

"Perhaps a coincidence?" she jokes as she inclines her bed with a push of a button.

"No," he replies resolutely. "I believe it's destiny."

They stare at one another and she feels it _—_ _a rush in her veins, an exhilaration which she cannot put a name on_. There are so many things which she cannot put a name on even though in her heart she knows she  _knows_.

"I'm sorry," she mutters nervously, raising her wrist to show him the ribbon with her name on it, the mark of a patient in whatever hospital she is in. "If you didn't already know, I have amnesia. So if you're someone from my past, then..."

"Then?"

"I don't know who you are anymore."

He takes in a deep breath of air, takes in as much oxygen which his lungs can handle; breathes her presence in.  _She is alive, alive, alive_ ; and the quick beating of his heart proves that  _so is he_.

"You have forever to find out."

"I'm sorry," she repeats with a shake of her head. Her hair is so long now and he wonders what else could have changed about her. No matter what scars she has gained while they were apart, he knows he will always accept her; will always love her. "Who are you?"

_She is alive._

And it is about time he began to live as well.

"Hello, Cagalli," he says, smiling, hardly containing his elation. "I'm Athrun."


	10. Five Years Later

Dear Athrun,

I hope this letter reaches you—if not well, then at all. Last I heard you were still travelling around the world as Alex Dino. I know it's been five years since we had last seen each other, since the day we were supposed to be married.

Before anything else, there is something you must know, something I hadn't told you before. I'm not sure if Lady Cagalli told you of this already, but before the Archangel departed from Orb, she asked me to take care of you. After the end of the war, you had stayed with me and I thought that I was only doing Lady Cagalli's bidding. I took care of you, did I not? But then you went back to Orb, to her, and I had accepted that what she asked of me was temporary. Two years later though, when we all believed she had perished, I took it upon myself to continue what Lady Cagalli asked me to do—but less to honor her memory and more to satisfy my own want of you. I might have been selfish, but I had loved you, Athrun; truly.

When you asked me to stay with you forever, I agreed. And when I had wanted to leave because I knew your heart was not with me, you convinced me otherwise. For that, I cannot completely forgive you, Athrun, for you had made me hope; but I accept that I am still at fault for believing that there could be something more between us when you will always belong to Lady Cagalli—and she to you.

I am happy for the both of you, Alex Dino and Allie Nara. (Isn't that what she goes by now?) After everything you had gone through, you deserve each other. You had definitely surprised the world when you became a runaway groom, resigned your seat from the Supreme Council, and disappeared. I had to deal with the aftermath of it all and you must have caught me on the news, trying to explain to everyone that you were well and just didn't want to marry me. Of course, when people began to bring up many theories of you becoming an undercover spy to take out Blue Cosmos everywhere in the world to avenge your late fiancée, I had to allow them to believe so—what else was I supposed to say when I myself had no explanation of your disappearance? After a few months, Shinn told me that you had found Lady Cagalli alive; I finally understood why you left. But being as there was no news of her being alive, I assume you and Kira and Lacus had kept it hushed up.

We've not seen each other for five years, but I hope that one day we can be friends again. Shinn and Lunamaria just returned from Panama and they said they had seen you two together. I don't know whether to feel bad about Lady Cagalli's memory and disability, but I know that you two will work it out. You love each other, after all, and I've heard that love can overcome any obstacle—you've proven that.

It's hard to not cry while writing this letter. By letting you run away from our wedding, I gave you your best chance to be happy. And I suppose I must be grateful because you gave me mine as well. You might not be too convinced that I am well, but I truly am. I met someone who takes care of me—it seems that after taking care of you for years, I had forgotten about myself. He makes me feel wonderful and loved, and I wish for you to meet Teon in the future. I met him in November University; I teach computer science now, while he teaches literature. Although I must warn you that he has his oddities. (E.g. not knowing much of modern technology; it would seem that I am dating a caveman of sorts.) I haven't told him everything about you, and he hasn't told me everything about himself. We acknowledge that our pasts should not affect our future together, and I'm convinced that I love him so.

Lady Cagalli probably doesn't remember me, but you've told her of me, haven't you? I hope you have. I want to meet her again one day. I had convinced Lacus to give me your new address so that I can send this to you. When you come home from wherever you and Lady Cagalli are now, I hope you drop by. I will always be here waiting.

Well, that is all I have to say for now. I hope you respond to my invitation for you to visit; I hope to see you soon.

Love always,

Meyrin


End file.
